How It Should Have Been
by amerella3
Summary: If I was Andrew Marlowe how I would have written Castle and Beckett getting together. Just a normal day at the 12th, with Beckett and Castle reflecting on their feelings for each other.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Silence.

That's what hung in the air as he stood on one side of the door and she stood on the other.

What now?

Who crosses the threshold first?

Or does anyone?

So many choices, all leading to the breaking point they both saw coming…

2 HOURS EARLIER

Detective Kate Beckett wearily placed her pen on her desk and shuffled her case folders together into a barely organized pile. Her partner, Richard Castle was just finishing erasing the whiteboard and removing the pictures and newspaper clippings from their most recent case. He turned away from his task when he heard Kate exhale deeply.

"Everything alright?" he asked in a tone of interest and concern.

She turned her head towards him. "Yeah, I'm good Castle. Just looking forward to having a few peaceful hours away from corpses and mentally deranged sociopaths", she answered with a wry smile.

He returned her smile and his eyes crinkled at the corners as he nodded his head in agreement. However, the smile slipped from his face as he turned back to the whiteboard. He felt….unsettled. She was always running off on her own, dealing with things on her own. And he accepted her for that. He knew Kate Beckett very well now after working alongside her for 4 years. She was independent, to say the absolute least. He just worried that her walls would never weaken and she would never truly be happy. All Richard Castle wanted in the world (next to the continued positive sales of his books) was for Kate Beckett to be content with her life and to stay out of harm's way. But with this woman, he had better keep hoping.

He turned around for the second time when he heard chair legs scraping along the floor. Kate was on her feet, stretching her arms over her head. She reached for her jacket and glanced at Rick.

"You coming, Castle?"

"Of course Detective."

Together, they walked out of the 12th precinct and ambled towards the parking garage. It was a clear night in New York City. The few stars that were actually visible in the cerulean sky twinkled as they strolled along in comfortable silence. Upon reaching their cars, the pair turned to say their goodbyes. And when their eyes met, something strange occurred. An electric charge crackled through the few feet of air in between them. The atmosphere was suddenly filled with a forbidden allure.

It had been exactly 5 months since Beckett was shot. She was still healing, still in therapy. And Castle was aware of this. He knew how fragile she still was. How much she desperately wanted to solve her mother's murder. But what he also knew was that he loved her. He loved her in every way that it is possible to love someone. He loved her perfect smile that her parents had put so much money into. He adored her wavy brown locks and the hint of cherry that he could smell on them. He cherished her range of emotions, ones that he was privy to. He simply worshipped Katherine Beckett. It was no secret, and it hadn't been for quite some time. Almost everyone they worked with knew. Many others they had crossed paths with throughout his shadowing of her had assumed it. His mother could tell, as could his daughter. The only person who never wanted to acknowledge it, was Kate herself. This hurt him, killed him. Weakened him as a man. Made him want to get on his knees and plead with her to see reason, to realize that he could make her so happy. He could make her almost whole again. But he kept quiet. He didn't tell her, was careful to avoid the subject altogether. Because it was better to have a quiet hope then to have all his dreams crushed completely if she rejected him because he had pushed her too hard.

Kate gazed into Rick's face as he stood looking at her. What was he thinking? Why didn't he just say "see you tomorrow" and leave? It was easy that way. She had enough sleepless nights over the look in his eyes as it was. She was a haunted individual. Her mother's death, her own shooting, her father's alcoholism. Kate Beckett knew she had to be strong. For her own sake, as well as others'. She had been afraid to depend on another her entire life. She never gave her heart to anyone. She was wary of love. Hell, she didn't know if she'd ever actually experienced love. She had been in way too many dead end relationships to be sure. In fact, the most constant man in her life was Castle. "God, how pathetic is that?" she thought to herself. Not that he was pathetic, but that she was pathetic enough to not tell him the truth after all this time. Yes, she had heard his confession on the day she had almost died. Yes, she remembered everything. Yes, she loved him too. But she would never tell him. It was too dangerous. It wouldn't work. They didn't belong together. He wasn't right for her. She wasn't ready. So many reasons. But were they valid?

"Well…..have a nice night Castle", she said simply to interrupt her own train of thoughts.

He looked up from his own reverie. "Oh, uh, night Beckett", he responded in a bewildered tone.

Then, in that moment, he reached for her. He opened his arms, optimistically. She looked at him shock and confusion at first. Then, slowly, she leaned into his hug. She awkwardly patted his back, trying to ignore the churning of her stomach and the warmth that had suddenly flooded her body. Blushing, she pulled away.

"See you tomorrow?"

He smiled at her, with a hint of sadness. "Always."

Nodding briskly, she quickly entered her car and put the key in the ignition. Before pulling out of her spot, she glanced up to watch his retreating figure. Only after he reached his own car did she drive away.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As she cruised the streets of New York in the direction of her apartment, her mind raced. "What was with that hug?" It's not that they hadn't hugged before, it was just usually prompted by something tremendous, such as a near death experience. Castle really was a mystery to her sometimes. Kate pulled up in front of her address and killed the engine. Shaking her head in confusion, she gathered her things and got out of her car. She was still thinking intently as she entered her apartment. She dropped her things on the couch out of habit and walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and an apple that she had been saving for after work. She plopped on the couch and began mindlessly flipping through the channels.

Slowly chewing her apple, Kate wrestled with her emotions. There was no doubt about it; she had feelings for Castle that refused to go away. Attempting to distract herself, she got up and began pacing. She turned on the radio. She turned it off. She cleaned the kitchen counters. She shaved her legs. She did a few sit-ups. Kate Beckett was restless. There was so much inner turmoil and words just trying to claw their way out of her throat that she couldn't take it.

That's when she heard it. Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away" drifted in through her apartment's open window. She walked over to the window and began to close it. Then she stopped and listened intently. And that's when she realized something. She didn't want to have any regrets when it came to this relationship. She wasn't going to spend the rest of her life wondering "what if?" Whipping around, Kate ran for her front door and wrenched it open. Racing down the stairs she catapulted into the driver's seat of her car and took off.

Rick shut his front door behind him and turned the lock. He surveyed his empty apartment with a deep sigh. "Another lonely night", he thought to himself. His mother was in the Hamptons for the weekend and Alexis was spending some rare time with his ex-wife. Shaking off his coat, he headed towards the kitchen. Rummaging in the drawers, he found nothing to satisfy his hunger. As he left the room, he flicked off the light behind him. He headed for the stairs and walked up them to the second floor. Entering his bedroom, he kicked off his dress shoes. As he struggled with his tie, he sauntered over to the window that had a magnificent view of the city he loved so much. New York really was a magical place at night. Gazing in admiration at the lights spread out before him, his mind couldn't help but drift back to Kate. His partner in crime, literally, But he wanted them to be so much more. Not that he believed it would ever happen. In the end, when all was said and done, they would go there separate ways with a handshake and a grateful smile. And that was the thought that kept him up at night. Losing the woman he loved. He had already almost lost her once. And he never wanted to feel that again. But maybe it was inevitable. Maybe Kate Beckett wasn't capable of love.

No, that's not it. He knew she could love, and love deeply. He just wanted to tell her that he would be as supportive as she needed. They could take it slow, Stone Age pace, if she wanted. As long as he got to call her "his" in some capacity. Rick would be happy being Kate Beckett's anything. And she needed to know that. But something told him that she already did. He had to know if she realized what he felt for her. Because everyday he spent by her side without having her was more infuriating than the last. He desperately wanted to hold her, kiss her, cherish her, make her feel safe, give her everything he had and more. He wanted to take her out to dinner, and hold her hand. He wanted to buy her flowers just because and kiss her forehead as she slept peacefully in her arms. He wanted it all. He wanted her in a white dress and the rings and kids and the whole goddamn deal. With Kate, he wanted all of it. And he'd be damned before he went another second without telling her that. Stumbling over his own feet, Rick grabbed his shoes, jamming them hurriedly onto his impatient feet. He sped down the steps and snatched his keys off the end table as he raced by. He lunged for the handle and as he opened it he came face to face with Kate, her hand raised in an anticipatory knock that would never be necessary.

And silence filled the air between them.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

His mouth hanging open, Rick's stood in the doorway, swaying slightly. Kate's hand dropped to her side with a soft thud. They simply stared at each other, the writer and his muse. He shuffled his feet. She cleared her throat. What was there to say?

"I….I don't really know why I'm here", she stuttered out.

"Well I know where I was going", he responded softly.

She looked into his eyes. Really, really looked. And all she saw was pure, raw emotion and.…love. No one had looked at her like that in a very long time. It overwhelmed her. It filled her with hope and joy and so many other indescribable feelings. And then it all just exploded out of her. "Rick, I heard you. I heard what you said. I remember everything", she blurted out. "And….I love you too".

A dead pause hung in the air. Kate could feel her heart pounding in her chest, the blood running through her veins, the breath she was holding in her lungs. Waiting, waiting, waiting for his condemnation of her. Waiting for his anger and rage. Would he kick her out? Would he never speak to her again? What would happen to her without him?

She'd never have to find out.

"I know", he replied. "I think I always did".

He reached for her then. Her body tensed in anticipation, fear suddenly seizing her. Kate Beckett, who never let her guard down, who always had a plan, who rarely was unprepared for anything, couldn't even think. Her mind froze. Her breathing hitched. Was she ready for this? Did she care if she wasn't? Had she done the right thing? While her mind raced, Castle's arms encircled her waist. He moved cautiously, gauging her reaction. Looking into her eyes for confirmation, he found them wide and staring. He almost stopped and pulled away. But once Kate's brown eyes had met his blue, all her doubts disappeared. She knew where she belonged. Anywhere Castle was, she too would be. He was home. She reached up on her tippy-toes, flung her arms around his neck and closed the gap between them.

It was slow gong at first. Not that either of them were inexperienced, but they were new to one another. They were used to the physical presence of each other, but never like this. But it would never be uncomfortable between them; their love was too strong. Castle kept one arm firmly locked around Kate's waist, dragging her to him. His other hand wound itself into her soft locks, anchoring itself there as if it needed to wait out a storm.

And a storm was brewing. A storm that had been held at bay for so long and was suddenly being unleashed all at once. Kate clung to Castle as if he were her life vest and would keep her afloat. The pair was so absorbed they struggled to enter the room fully. A mass of tangled limbs clumsily closed Castle's front door. Tripping over stray items, the couple made progress towards the stairs. Kate was chewing on Castle's bottom lip and a low moan broke free from his chest. Lifting her up in his impatience, Castle's hands found Kate's all too prominent ass. He stared at it plenty of times, he'd fantasized about it, he'd even "accidentally" brushed against it. But this moment far surpassed any of the others. Because she was allowing him to be firm with her. He was gentle, yet firm. His fingers gripped her flesh as though some invisible force was trying to tear her out of his arms. Silly, when they both knew that wasn't going to happen. They had all night to be together, and hopefully much, much longer than that.

Kate's fingers were working desperately at the few buttons on Castle's shirt. His hands roamed along her lower back. One stair, than another. It was a torturously slow progression. But a good kind of torture. One they wanted to drag out as long as possible. This would not be passionate and quick. It would be passionate of course, but neither of them wanted to rush. After waiting so long for this moment, why would they want to speed through it?

So everything was slowed down. Their kisses were long and intimate. The caresses weren't a race. It was a slow burning fire, rather than one that ignited at once and fizzled out just as quickly. But that didn't mean it lacked the urgency of a one-night stand. Their desire was barely reigned in. Hands were everywhere, on faces, clenched in hair, gripping at muscles. It was as if they were trying to memorize each other's bodies Kate thought dizzily. And the SMELL emanating from Castle. It was a musky, woodsy scent. It infiltrated her nose, filled her mind. She was swimming in him. And he in her.

They had made it to the top of the stairs. Kate leaned away for a moment, gasping for air. And in that instant, Castle gazed deeply into her eyes. His face was suddebly serious.

"Kate", he said, "Are you sure about this?"

It hurt him to ask of course. It left him wide open. She could change her mind, untangle herself from him, walk out his door and never come back. That terrified him. But he had to give her an out. He was a gentleman after all. He had to make sure that this was what she wanted, 100%. Otherwise, he'd never be able to forgive himself.

As the uncertainty raged through his mind, Castle struggled to register the look on Kate's face. It was…..was she smiling? She was. Kate Beckett was not only smiling, she seemed to be holding back laughter. So much for her being serious all the time.

Kate let out a throaty laugh.

"Rick," she rasped, "I have waited far too long for this to want to stop now. And if you intend on believing that I am having seconds thoughts, I will shoot you."

A wide grin spread across Castle's face. He didn't utter another word; instead he picked her up, and nudged open the door to his bedroom. Entering the room, he fumbled for the light switch, succeeding in knocking over books, papers and other items in his haste. Kate continued to giggle against his lips, never releasing her hold on the hair at the nape of his neck. They were young and playful in their love, losing the serious sides of themselves that had to take precedence in their lives. In this moment, here, alone together, she wasn't a cop, he wasn't a father, and neither of them was damaged. Their love made them whole. It was the missing piece in both of their lives: each other. Overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment, Kate feared she would weep. But Castle, intuitive as always, sensed her oncoming emotion. He looked at her, with a mischievous spark in his eyes.

"Don't forget, my safe word is still "apples".

* * *

So my lovely readers, I am astonished by the reaction to my first ever fanfic. This is the final chapter I had written for this story (I know I had previously said I wrote 4, that was a mistake). I'm not sure if I should continue this or not. If I do, the rating will go up to M. If I don't, this is not the end. I will be writing more, seeing as my freshman year of college ends next week and then summer begins! Here's the deal, you want more from this story, please let me know you think it's worth continuing. If not, consider sticking with me. Either way, I love you all very much.

Remember, Review to save your favorite stories from ceasing to exist!

Grazie,

Amy


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